Taking up space.
Making videos for you is actually something I have a huge amount of resistance around.
I know that it's time to start a dialogue.
I know that it's time to say hello and to humanise Flutter Lyon.
And to share a whole lot of things I know about emotions and human beings and art and storytelling and mental health.
And yet, I'm against it.
In the same way that I've been against exercise, wanting to move my body in any way.
It's just resistance.
So why do we resist things?
Well in this case, I'm resisting this because I'm afraid of taking up space in a way that I'm embarrassed about.
I'm afraid of using the wrong words.
I'm afraid of being seen to be 'self-helpy'.
I'm afraid of being 'You-Tubey'.
I'm afraid of being too smart, too dumb, too in-your-face, too quiet and boring. The list goes on.
The sounds of resistance. The unending list of fears and reasons to not create.
Oh my gosh. No I don't buy the truth of those fears. I know that the sounds and words of those fears, they are the test. They are there to give me something to push up against and push past.
This is a declaration of taking up space.
I think particularly for women, yes, I'm going to gender it for a moment.
Particularly for women, taking up any kind of cultural or social real estate is very difficult.
We haven't been socialised to be allowed to use our voice and to be allowed to take up space.
To write words and speak words - and feel like we're actually allowed to.
I can't believe that I, even feel this. I feel like I'm fairly confident - I have to be confident get on with doing the job because I'm so dedicated to doing the work. Doing the art, creating making things that matter in my lifetime..
and yet here I am to create a video with you..
...it's looking pretty. We've got the background. We've got the lighting. (I've got this funny light from Bunnings, a halo light from watching YouTube tutorials.)
Like, I've done a whole lot of work before I've come to say hello to you today on this video.
And so I think perhaps one of the tools that we can use to get over resistance is by naming it, first of all. And saying "Mate, you ARE resisting this."
And the next thing, maybe, is that we create something out of that resistance and out of that expression.
And perhaps this is the first video, which is about getting on with doing the thing - by doing the thing.